Randomness

So I'm really not sure what to do with my life at this point anymore! I'm busting my @$$ trying to get ahead and really trying to focus on the things that matter most to me in life, (i.e. My Kids, Church, and My Bills). So to make all of this work, I'm now working two jobs while still trying to be the man that my children need me to be. It's just extremely hard doing it all and then the second I get any time to stop and breath all I can think about is exactly how alone I am. I miss having someone to come home and share my day with and find out about theirs.  Talking to each other about how in the end it's all worth the stress and the headaches cause we had each other. I miss having that person just for the emotional support and the stress relief. It's just hard to try and look for a relationship when the one relationship you want wants nothing to do with you becasue of the hurt that youve caused her. We have both become totally different people over the past few months and most of the time can't have a conversation without one of us trying to poke the other one into a fight. I do still love her and feel that i always will. I just also feel like the pain wouldn't hurt as bad if i had someone who was there for me and cared for me. Not in the way of a family member but as a true friend and companion.